In the wee small hours of the morning.. how does that song go? Is there anything worse than being tired and not being able to sleep? Especially when my beloved is snoring like a warthog beside me. I’ve just re-read that of course there are worse things but you know what I mean. Apologies in advance for my nocturnal wittering.
Struggling to get comfy enough to sleep at the moment. Apparently it’s common but the lumpectomy site isn’t giving me as much jip as the lymph node biopsy under the armpit which is really sore.
I’ve tried a combination of up to three pillows and a v cushion. The drugs don’t work. So have given in and gone to the one thing guaranteed to interrupt with your sleep patterns - my iPad. I’ve been overwhelmed and humbled by all my messages of support since I went public. Truly amazing and also to hear so many have walked a similar path.
So taking the advice of a friend I have gone for the retail therapy route this pre-morning. I know it’s killing small business but isn’t online shopping just the best. I’ve ordered a new sleep bra and post op bra and a couple of comfy outfits plus boots. I mean it’s definitely boots season.
I also want to take a few moments to talk about my daughter, Beth so please indulge me. My beautiful, talented and caring daughter. She lacks confidence at times but she is simply a darling and has a talent for looking after people. So the roles, for a little while, have become reversed. I know she’s not a baby, she’s a young woman but she will always be my baby. However she has been looking after me (as well as Bert) She has changed my dressings, administered my injections and cooked my dinner. All whilst not feeling top form herself. I am blessed to have her.
On a similar theme a mention to my folks. Both have not been in the best of health recently and I have been having to care for them. They like to be independent so it doesn’t sit easy with them. They were very upset when they found out about the cancer but also cross that I hasn’t shared it with them as soon as I could have. I hadn’t wanted to spoil their 65th wedding celebrations and anyway I didn’t feel I’ll or have any symptoms. Anyway wild horses would have not kept them away from me yesterday even though they are both walking wounded. Mom with her broken collarbone was wanting to do things for me and dad, had dreamt that I was calling for him. Turned out it was mom snoring but bless him all the same.
Finally a special mention to my husband. A Colleague rang him yesterday as he had heard the news. His wife had gone through similar so he rang to ask how he was, as he said, everyone asked how my wife was and never me. I know its old fashioned but he sees himself as my protector and he can’t from this. He is a big softie so I know this is hard on him too, especially when I am in pain. He gets the broken sleep too.
This evil bubble doesn’t just affect the person, it’s affects all around you. The thing is we grew up in a world where cancer was such a dirty word. Treatment and prognosis have moved on in leaps and bounds. Yes it still claims it’s victims, I have lost several good friends but it’s is more and more treatable and survivable. As my journey continues I do wonder about the mental scars it will leave but as my antidote I can always fall back on the shopping. There is always shopping.
**credit can’t be taken for the expression ‘the evil bubble’ this was a phrase coined by an old friend whom I am no longer in touch with. It’s just such a perfect description that I have plagiarised it.
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