Sunday Reflections

 What a week! 

I started writing a few thoughts down earlier this week as my head was spinning and I was struggling to sleep. Little did I know it was just the starter before the main course landed. 

There are lots of changes happening at work and I and others in my team have been going through a number of selection processes. Change is always unsettling even if you are the sort of person who embraces it. The uncertainty is always hard to manage. 

I got some disappointing news on Monday. Nothing life changing or earth shattering but personal to me. I was upset and as is my way, set myself off on an internal dialogue, wavering between tears, anger and shame.  Of course Negative Norma was more than happy to join me. We talked about how I’d let myself down and others too, then branched out into a dissection of all my faults and failings, including all those moments over the years that are unresolved. You know the drill. When 5 am dawned this was still going on and Positive Petunia hadn’t even got her foot in the door. 

I do always try to see the positives and finally let Petunia in sometime during Tuesday afternoon. There is a tool we use in coaching called the scale of awfulness. I was rational enough to be able to see things in some perspective against the scale and start to look forward. But was wavering between the two extremes. Still am to a degree. On a positive note, I have received lots of support and words of encouragement. I’m humbled and grateful. Many have said ‘you reap what you sow’and reminded me of the support I have given then in the past. A positive out of a negative  

Then on Wednesday, the universe in its infinite wisdom and glory landed another huge dose of perspective. Devastating news. Remember, I mentioned the scale of awfulness? Death is,as you would expect, on the top end of the scale. I and others, lost a colleague, a respected and valued boss and leader but others a friend, a dad, a partner, a son. How do you offer comfort to someone when the most awful thing has happened - I don’t know and words just don’t cover it.

We all gathered to try to make sense of what we had been told. Together to support each other through this. The grief and sorrow in the office were palpable. None of us know what to expect moving forward but I know that we will do it together. The worst of times often bring out the best qualities in people. Memories shared help for the tears to turn to smiles. Hope starts to germinate and will enable us to lift our heads and go on.

I don’t trivialise what has happened and what individuals are going through and will still have to go through but the human spirit is a force to be reckoned with. We go forward and we do it for those who are no longer with us. 

I often write reflections just for me but have decided to publish these. I’m not really sure why, and hope that no one thinks I’m being indulgent or disrespectful. It’s cathartic for me and if it helps someone else then that’s a unintended bonus .

I end by asking if we know each other and you are struggling then please, even I look or say I am busy, reach out, tell me you need to chat. Always.

Stand down Wayne. We’ve got this from here.