I’m seeing lots of things in the media and on socials reflecting on the last twelve months. As I haven’t written for a while I thought I would jump on that theme so apologies if you are weary of such things. Also having been awake since 4:30, what else am I going to do that doesn’t involve involve disturbing him upstairs. (That’s Mrs Gail not god, although some might say he thinks he’s a god but that’s for another blog)
12 months - it’s a landmark, a passage of time but also in many ways gone so quickly and so much has happened and changed. It’s something I’ve touched on before in previous blogs (One year on and other anniversaries) Personally, I was in denial in the early stages of this pandemic. Prior to the first lockdown I thought it was being overplayed initially, some scaremongering. This wasn’t based on any fact or evidence, just my feeling. This may have been due to my own personal circumstances which meant my focus was internal more than external but it just goes to show, what do I know. 😂
My personal lockdown had begun earlier due to my surgery and radiotherapy. In fact it turns out I was very lucky to have just completed my course of radiotherapy as restrictions started. Many have since had treatment delayed or postponed. I went from days alone on the sofa to having the company of the hubby, my daughter and her partner, all furloughed - not forgetting the cat. I do fear for her mental health once this is all over, where will be the package of support for pets being left alone all day again, I wonder, (usually in the early hours along with many other random ponderings)
I think many of us lucky enough not to have been personally impacted by Covid at that point, look back on those early heady days of lockdown with some fondness. It was all about the baking, the shopping, hand sanitiser, loo roll, banana bread, walks, board games and briefings. We were getting back to family values, it felt like a mini break. I don’t deny there was fear, uncertainty, loneliness but it was all new and a novelty. Then the reports of illnesses, the deaths, the financial and economical implications started to filter in. We all thought things would soon be back to normal, that this was a short sharp burst of pain to achieve a common goal. Working at home or new ways of working became the norm. For me, medical appointments all had to be done by phone. All rehab cancelled. Hindsight can be a wonderful thing but also a bit of a curveball. None of us can know if we would have done things differently if we had known and I think there are few amongst us who thought we would still be where we are now 12 months on.
I had my one year review yesterday with my oncologist and she commented how weird it is to be doing this over the phone having never met in the first place to discuss my treatment plan as this was done in a hasty telephone call as the NHS rushed to set up contingencies. Yes, some of my thoughts around that meeting have contributed to my insomnia but what can I do. We’ve all had to make changes and sacrifices to various degrees and of course it’s not a competition so saying there is always someone worse off than you isn’t always helpful. Your own circumstances are personal to you and you feel them deeply, others having a bad time doesn’t diminish your feelings but it can help you to count your blessings which we often forget to do.
My blessings are many. I got an early diagnosis and treatment. I locked down in a loving and safe environment with plenty of home comforts. I and all my family have so far remained employed even though on reduced income, we haven’t lost anyone to Covid, I can work from home in an separate space, I have some great friends and support networks. I’m not saying it’s been easy and I’m not saying it’s over yet but I’m here and I’m in for the long haul.
I’m taking some time today for personal reflection but more importantly remembering all of those who have lost their lives to Covid-19 so far, all their families, friends and those who tried to treat them, all those suffering mentally, financially, anyone who has been negatively impacted. I will take time to send some positivity out into the universe for you all. I thank each and everyone of you who has been apart of my last year from close friends and family to randoms on Twitter. Remember to always try to be kind and to check in on someone today, it could make a big difference to them.
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