Apologies that I’ve been quiet on the blog front recently. I actually started to write this one over a month ago. It was at the time of Storm Ciara and Dennis. There had also been loss of life. High profile news was that of Caroline Flack. Closer to home the suicide of one of our firefighters and the death of a wife of a fire fighter in an rtc. I didn’t finish what I was writing as it dwelt on sadness and I just didn’t feel I wanted to put it out there. I just didn’t feel myself. Notice I didn’t say normal..if you know me, you know. So I have included some of it below but left out other parts.
Thinking of why I hadn’t written recently I reflected that maybe it was because I didn’t have anything to write about. My radiotherapy treatment had finished so I was seeing less people. I’d had three weeks of daily trips to hospital. Lifts provided by my amazing support network. Maybe the sadness mentioned above had an effect. Maybe the effects of my radio, tiredness, soreness and skin blistering were also a factor. Most likely I think it was a combination of all of those. Looking back it’s seems a little ironic that I felt I had nothing to share given the situation we all now find ourselves in with the grip of the Coronavirus pandemic. I got ahead of the curve with this game.
The weather had been rubbish. I had no reason to go out. I didn’t feel like going out but I had set myself a challenge of taking part in Cancer Reserach UK Walk All Over Cancer through March. This requires that you walk 10000 steps a day. Maybe over-ambitiously I strode out on day 1 to complete my steps. I did it. I was absolutely exhausted and very uncomfortable. This was the first week after my radiotherapy finished. They had told me that as it is cumulative I would probably have worsening symptoms over the next three to four weeks then things should pick up. I hadn’t really thought much of that but as I undressed after my active day I discovered I had developed blisters on the underside of my boob. Not great. After taking advice, I engaged a proxy to help with my steps (I’m in a team so the others were also on it for me) and was told to rest up and restrict my movement as much as possible. Next I got blisters under my arm and on my troublesome lymph node scar. The radiographer also suggested I sit with my boob out and arm above my head to get the air to it. I mean in what kind of world was that going to work? It’s March and I don’t live alone or in a house that’s not overlooked. (I apologise for any troubling mental images that this may have caused)
Over the next couple of weeks I felt like I was back to square one, as in, post surgery. I couldn’t get comfy to sleep, sit or move. I was tired and uncomfy. I was back to sleeping in the chair or in bed propped up with my v cushion. I felt quite frustrated with myself. I still do to an extent, as I just couldn’t do anything without struggling or getting worn out. In the end I gave in to it. Ate rubbish and binge watched Tv. Turns out I was just in training for self isolation.
I was given some special dressings for the blisters and gradually things started to improve. Wearing a bra in increasing amounts of time has felt like a massive achievement. Same approach with walking as I began with short walks around the block, building up to longer walks along the canal towpath and around the nearby cemetery. Again these have felt like big things for me. If ever I needed a reminder not to take things for granted, I’ve had it again.
Knowing how much it can affect how I feel, I was trying to eat healthier too. That has been hampered by the current Covid situation and the rest of the family joining me in social distancing. There is a lot of home baking going on and inventive use of ingredients. I suppose it’s counterbalanced by no meals out or takeaways. The alcohol intake may have increased slightly. I think that might be having to share the tv remote though.
We can all be guilty of taking things for granted such as being able to do some of the most basic and simple things. I have had quite a few reminders of this recently and most of the world also now finds itself in a similar situation. A unique and strange time for all. I hope you are all keeping well both physically and mentally. Take time to see the positives, rest and heal mind and body. Be kind to yourself and each other. After the storm comes the rainbow.
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