Ne’er cast a clout til May is out
This is an old English proverb which refers to not casting off winter clothes too early. Some say it refers to the month of May others to the blossom of the May bush. Either way it is meaningful for me as May is such a significant month.
Before I go any further I feel I need to explain my recent writing drought. When I checked I realised I’d not published a blog for six months. I had started a few but not completed them. My writing mojo along with Elvis, had left the building. This fact hadn’t completely escaped my notice but I hadn’t realised how long it had been so I needed a nudge and it came from a friend and colleague so thank you Debi.
I’m not entirely sure why I’ve had this writers block, and I’m not sure it’s just one causal effect. I ended up with Covid at Christmas and it disrupted our family celebrations. Into January I then started to struggle a little with my mental health. Feeling just generally overwhelmed. I’ve had to regroup a little and focus on me. Which brings us nicely back to May where we recognise Mental Health Awareness week and my family celebrate many birthdays including my own but also the day we lost our Daniel on his fifth birthday.
Dan would have been thirty this year and it’s 25 years since he died. A quarter of a century without him. These milestones come and go and are stark reminders of the loss. What should be a reason for celebration becomes a wistful round of ‘what might have been’s’
As hard as this is it has some synchronicity and usually marks a shift from a period of sadness and I emerge from my grief chrysalis to become my usual social butterfly in time for my birthday.
This year there is a slight blip in this process as I have my mammogram scheduled for the day before my birthday. It’s great that I get regular screening but as soon as the letter arrived my scanxiety started to lurk.
It doesn’t matter how hard I try to be positive Petunia, I know that until it’s done and I get the results I’m hoping for, scanxiety will lurk, like a stealthy lurking thing.
This year more so now than before, I need May to be out so that the clouds can clear and I can look forward to enjoying those long, warm sunny days of summer. I’m looking forward to cocktails, holidays and BBQs and hope to share some good times with family and friends. This is the balm for the soul that I crave. 🦋🦋🦋
