I made a bit of a conscious decision not to write a blog over the Christmas and New Year period. This was for a couple of reasons but mainly because there is so little going on that it’s tough finding something new to write about. It’s also hard to keep on trying to find the positives and you fear that people are fed up of you going on and that you may be adding to their struggle to stay positive and mentally well.
So what’s changed you may be thinking. Well, I’ve had lots of conversations with different people over the last couple of weeks since returning to work after the festive break. Lots of people are struggling. Lots of people recognise there are people who are worse off than they are. Lots of people are keeping all this to themselves. Even me, someone who is happy sharing and has lots to say is feeling like maybe I should not say anything. Again I must stress when I write, it’s not because I am looking for people to feel sorry for me. I’m not looking sycophantic reassurance. Yes the ego appreciates if people take time to read or comment but it’s not my driver
I have to admit one of the things that has held me back recently is that I just feel most of what I’ve had to say for the last 14 months has been, perhaps a bit heavy. Yes I’ve tried to bring my coping mechanism of humour to it but I as someone who considers themselves to be and I quote ‘a glass full kind of person” I’ve got to say that has been getting harder and harder. I have felt that perhaps people are sick of me banging on and moaning and that I should get over it.
Now, no one has actually said any of this to me. No, this has come from my inner critic, who from now on shall be known as, naggy Norma. I’m pretty sure you all know what I’m talking about. That little voice inside you who chips away at your confidence. Who tells you you’re not good enough, or strong enough, or clever enough. It tells you people aren’t interested in what you have to offer. Even worse it tells you things that people are thinking and saying about you. These things, your worst fears, silence you and repress you. I know this all sounds a bit dramatic but trust me Norma is a complete a-hole. She shouts down and tramples all over our inner cheerleader, hereafter mine shall be known as positive Petunia. Norma’s is the loudest voice. She will be heard and you give her an inch she will take a mile. Before you know it she will have persuaded you that can’t do it and people are laughing about you even thinking you could. Petunia will be left out in the cold, whispering into the abyss.
I’ve found that from recent conversations, verbalising some of the things I’ve been feeling has been really helpful. Others have shared how they are feeling. Rather than dragging each other down, you are actually lifted up. It’s really helps to share and listen to others. It always feels a bit perverse to say that it is reassuring to know others are going through similar but it really is. It takes you out of your own head for a while. You support each other. It’s so much easier to give others advice and see that the inner critic is rife in them. On reflection, you realise your Norma has been on another rampage and in doing so you realise you need to apply this advice to yourself. You get Normas coat and have to throw a Petunia party. This can feel unnatural but trust me it’s essential. The conversations I’ve had recently have energised me in different ways. Things haven’t changed but how you look at them shifts slightly.
Self-care is the lynch pin here. Because if you can’t care for yourself who else will. Ask Petunia what you could do to be kind to yourself. Have a cuppa, read a book, listen to music, go for a run, have a winge to a trusted friend who will listen then deride you until you laugh, watch some trashy tv or a documentary. You get the picture, whatever floats your boat. It might sound corny but write down one positive thing or one thing you are grateful for a day in the same way of doing one Petunia inspired thing. It could make a difference.
Friday has traditionally been the day we look forward to. On Thursday my hubby will say, what have we got planned for the weekend? Do you want to go anywhere? Do anything? He asked me last week and I just looked at him. Then I thought, let’s plan something. We ordered a restaurant at home food box. We decided to get dressed up, have cocktails, have a music night. It gave us hope. Nothing had changed but our view and mood shifted imperceptibly.
Don’t let Norma tell you any of this is indulgent, pointless or selfish. Don’t let her persuade you your time should be spent doing something more important. This is survival. So make you a priority. Plan it into your diary as you would an important meeting. Respect it like you would an big presentation or interview. Ask others to hold you to account over this. Most of all show yourself the kindness you would show others.
One last thing if you are feeling alone and down, it’s easy to listen to Norma who will tell you you are pathetic and no one cares. She will tell you everyone has forgotten about you. But the things is they may have their own silent struggles. Be the one to make the call or send the text. You never know how the people you contact are feeling. You might be their lifeline too. Go on ask Petunia what to do.
‘I lied and said I was busy.
I was busy;
but not in a way most people understand.
I was busy taking deeper breaths.
I was busy silencing irrational thoughts.
I was busy calming a racing heart.
I was busy telling myself I am okay.
Sometimes, this is my busy -
and I will not apologize for it.”
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